Excerpt Monday: His or hers?

I’m joining in with my fellow Romance Divas for a fun exercise.  A group of divas are posting their excerpts for general review and reading enjoyment. Some of these are works in progress and some are upcoming releases.

For my Excerpt Monday, I have a poll. I recently changed the opening of Butterfly Swords and I’m wondering which opening works better, his or hers? Please vote on your favorite. Any comments are welcome!




[poll id=”2″]

Read more Monday Excerpts:

Warning! I have not screened these excerpts myself. Please bear in mind that some authors have provided a rating for their excerpts which may contain language or content that is not typical of this blog.

Cami’s First Kiss by Bria Quinlan

Excerpt Monday by Mel B (silentdreamer)

A Halloween Novella by Vivienne Westlake

Set the Night On Fire by Maureen McCarrie (Rating: NC-17 for language)

Monday Excerpt by Crista McHugh

Another Time, Another Place by T. Sue Versteeg

Monday Excerpt by Kinsey Holly

Del Fantasma by Becca Sheridan-Furrow

The Chancellor’s Bride by Kirsten Saell (Excerpt rating: PG, Site Rating: NC-17)

Scenting Cinnamon by Ella Drake (Rating: NC-17)

Asking for It by Kate Willoughby (Rating: PG-13)

21st Century Courtesan by Eden Bradley (Rating: Adult)

Excerpt Monday by Evie Byrne (Excerpt rating: PG,  Site Rating: NC-17)

A Run for the Money by Gina Ardito

The Scroll Thief by R.F. Long

Resisting Kane by Stephanie Adkins

Inheritance by Lynne Chandler

Dying Embers by B.E. Sanderson

More than Magic by Babette James

First in the Soulguard series by Amber Gilchrist

No Comments

  1. kate willoughby
    Apr 13, 2009 @ 09:58:55

    I hope the hero’s pov scene doesnt’ disappear completely. It seemed to take place after the heroine’s altercation on the road. I loved both of them, though!

  2. Vivienne Westlake
    Apr 13, 2009 @ 10:57:54

    Jeannie, I enjoyed reading this again. I actually liked reading the hero’s perspective. I had originally read the heroine’s opening in the Catch a Dream contest. I think either opening is good, depending on which character needs more definition/motivation. I’m tempted to say go with the hero, but I do like the way you’ve contrasted the heroine’s upper class status with her penchant for swords. Both openings are strong, they just work to slightly different purposes.

    Good job!

  3. B.E. Sanderson
    Apr 13, 2009 @ 11:00:40

    I was immediately pulled into the heroine’s story. Excellent excerpt. =o)

  4. Dara
    Apr 13, 2009 @ 11:18:53

    I love both excerpts but I think the heroine’s is the one I’m gravitating towards more 🙂

  5. evie byrne
    Apr 13, 2009 @ 11:41:36

    Hey Jeannie,

    I thought they were both beautifully written, but I actually preferred the hero’s pov as an opening. I think… I understand why you’re torn.

    As someone else said, it all depends on how you want to focus the story. But my first, gut response was to go with the hero. It might be because as a “stranger in a strange land” he’s automatically more sympathetic and engaging. His pov gives you a lot of freedom to sketch in world building details since everything is new to him and he can explain it to us, and that’s kind of nice.

    The first glimpse of the heroine through his eyes makes her very mysterious and intriguing. Whereas the “you’re in danger–take this costume and hide” gambit is fun, but not as intriguing for me as a reader. Though both openings were good, I really, really wanted to keep reading the hero’s part.

    But if you start with his pov, it will seem more like his story, and I don’t know if you want that.

    Phhht. You know, in the end they’re both great, so you can’t make a wrong decision.

  6. T Sue VerSteeg
    Apr 13, 2009 @ 11:57:43

    Wow, i love both pov’s! They are great! MORE 🙂

  7. Crista
    Apr 13, 2009 @ 12:34:37

    I’m voting for the heroine’s story, too, because it seems to flow with the story. Both are awesome, though.

  8. Amber
    Apr 13, 2009 @ 15:38:54

    Both were absolutely fascinating but I voted for the heroine because it was more compelling and more action was happening. Both were very intriguing though.

  9. Gina Ardito
    Apr 13, 2009 @ 17:22:30

    I loved them both, but totally connected with the heroine! Is there any way you can revise to use both aspects with a scene break between? (I know; I’m a genius at the fine art of compromise. LOL!)

  10. Jax
    Apr 13, 2009 @ 17:33:37

    Both were very good excerpts. I typically love male POV …but it was a hard decision. Good luck on sending out your stuff! 🙂

  11. Jamiebabette
    Apr 13, 2009 @ 19:08:11

    Both great excerpts. I had trouble deciding which I liked best. I voted for hers because of the action, but I liked his being out of place. As Gina suggested, how about using both?

  12. Ella Drake
    Apr 13, 2009 @ 19:42:24

    I voted on hers, but I think mostly because it comes first in the action. I actually identify with him slightly more, the out of place feeling and viewing the setting through his eyes is fantastic. Wonderful story!

  13. Stephanie Adkins
    Apr 13, 2009 @ 20:06:41

    Both were awesome, but I leaned more toward the heroine opening. 😀

  14. Ninja Sword
    Apr 14, 2009 @ 08:32:22

    Jeannie, both the openings are great, rather they are awesome but still I would say you must open with the hero’s prospective. And please also describe the type of the swords they are using e.g. samurai swords or what.
    Wonderful opening and I wish you good luck for it.

  15. MB (Leah)
    Apr 14, 2009 @ 11:32:39

    I like the Hero opening only because it was clearer. I was confused by the heroine opening although as many have said, it has more action.

    Both have me wondering what will happen next though.

  16. Vivienne Westlake
    Apr 15, 2009 @ 17:53:32

    Just checking back in to see what everyone said. LOL. I agree with Evie’s eloquent reply. Though, interestingly enough, we’re in the minority from the votes above. Whatever you decide, I know it will turn out great!